"First Haircut"

Let me take you back to my days of myspace blogging. Remember this one?

Monday, January 08, 2007

Today was a horrible day Current mood: crushed I woke up this morning at an unusually early hour for a girl who works nights, 6:30 am. Everyone in the house was still asleep like any normal human who doesn't have a messed up sleep rhythm would be. I got online, checked my email, updated myself on celebrity gossip, drank some coffee, and then Jaxon awoke a couple hours later. I had already had a billion cups of coffee by this point. We walked to the kitchen and I prepared the daily breakfast of Banana's ( nana's) and oatmeal. We sat there for awhile in peace enjoying our day until my caffeine ridden mind decided it would be a GREAT idea to trim the hair around Jaxon's ears. As most of you know I am constantly battling with the comments of how cute my little girl is. I decided that maybe a trim around the ears with my kitchen scissors would make things better. So I break out the scissors from the junk drawer and as Jaxon scarfed down his banana I started to trim. Jaxon wasn't a big fan of the sharp pointy object I was snipping away his beautiful long locks with. He jumped a couple times, and my caffeine ridden hands were trying so hard, so so hard to make an even snip. Well things didn't go as planned. I really really tried to make it look half decent and then gave up. I didn't just give up, I somehow turned into the incredible hulk mom, threw the scissors on the floor, and ran into the bedroom yelling at Justin. Notice I wrote AT Justin and not TO Justin. Ok so I didn't just yell. I freaking lost it. I believe I used the F bomb about 300 times in a matter of 20 seconds. I let loose. I mean I really let loose. I managed to insult this poor sleeping man in every way possible. I won't get into details but lets just say it took all morning for him to talk to me again. So after I calmed to a point of INsanity we decided to take Jaxon to COOL CUTS and get the job done by a "professional". When I say "professional" I mean beauty school drop out who hates her job and every child that steps into her place of employment. So in goes The Wiggles on DVD and Jaxon is placed in a taxi cab car to get his first ever "professional" haircut. Snip snip away. I literally saw Jaxon transform to a toddler right in front of my eyes. This "professional" snipped all of Jaxon's baby off and onto the floor. She didn't care that I LOVED Jaxon's long hair. She didn't even care that Jaxon LOVED his long hair. I didn't get sad at the time because Jaxon's first ever "hairstylist" was pissing me off to the point of no return with her telling me to move, and rolling her eyes at me. Once it was all over and we got back in the car I looked in my rearview mirror and just about lost it. HIS HAIR IS TOTALLY GONE!!!!. So he looks like a boy, I got what I wanted now leave me alone people ( do you think I sound bitter?). The countdown to re-obtaining Jaxon's long beautiful hair begins today. Do you think that hoarse shampoo and prenatal vitamins will get it to grow faster???……hmmm…..only kidding (or am I)??????????? Lessons learned today: 1) Never trim hair after drinking 300 billion cups of coffee 2) Never yell at your sleeping husband and call him a fuckbag because you fucked up yourself. 3) Don't use kitchen scissors to trim hair ( probably should have learned that from Laura in the 9th grade) 4) Make sure your child's hairstylist likes children, even if it's just a little. 5.) Never listen to old women, senile men, and hormonal postpartum women who think your child is a girl because he has long hair.

So now that we're all refreshed on the amazing experience I had with Jaxon's first haircut, let me talk about Bodhi's.

Monday, May 04, 2009
Current mood: Crushed

Bodhi's hair. Its dead. It's dirty. It usually smells of dirt and little boy sweat. It's a pain in the ass to wash because all he wants to do is eat the pineapple mango shampoo bottle. It forms snot dreads. It causes confusion among the elders regarding his gender. It allows hippies to "relate" to him. You get the point. So why is it that the removal of his hair causes a deep down pain that not even the finest vodka can touch? I'm not trying to be all Kate Hudson, but shit it's so hard for me to just let go. A couple months ago, I purchased a pair of "professional" scissors from Sally's ( see #3 above). I knew he needed a trim, he could barely see. So I snipped about .004 of inch from his sweet little bangs. Done. Over. I ziplocked the 4 hairs that I snipped and called it his "first haircut".



Justin and I calmly ( see #2 above) decided that we would finally cut it for real. We've been throwing around the idea of shaving it off since his "first haircut" We reached our breaking point when the snot dreads began to form after this viral crud decided to take over my children.

So Sunday we decided to do another "trim" of the bangs. This time, I may have gone a lil too far. It was not a good look. Think Dumb and Dumber, only worse. The only pictures I have of my "work" don't highlight the crooked, short bang action, but here's an idea.



Apparently the high quality scissors that I bought at Sally's aren't all it takes, skill is also required. So that night I was driving the child home from dinner, looked at my sweet Bodhi in the rear view mirror and thought to myself...hmmm that's special. As soon as we got home Justin and I gave each other the, lets get this over with and take it all off, look (hair, still talking about the hair) So it began. We had only 2 caffeinated beverages all day ( see #1 above) We were calm and together and knew what needed to be done. Justin busted out the clippers , aka baby hair mutilators. I wasn't going the "Cool Cuts" route again ( see # 4 above), I learned my lesson. I personally wanted to be the one to cause the ache and pain and puncture to my soul, not some miserable being who hates their miserable job and life. The clippers turned on and the buzz of my baby loosing his beautiful baby hair permeated the bathroom. Bodhi laughed at first, then he realized what was happening and tried to bail, as did I. It was too late. And just like that it was gone, well mostly. It turned out to be a two step process. We had to forfeit about 3/4 of the way in because his fight to get out from my clutches was too much for this broken hearted Mama. We gave it the final touches the next morning.




As for the results, well unfortunately Justin didn't get his degree in baby hair removal. The result are a lil...eh. Short, uneven, dork bangs are, ummm yeah, still there and actual even dorkier and shorter and more uneven than before. BUT the snot dreads are gone!




The whole experience was slightly better than two years ago. Probably due to the fact that I followed my own "first haircut" rules. However, the heartache of watching my baby grow up before my eyes was exactly the same. My last baby. His hair covering the bathroom floor. I held it together... or at least I tried.

And just like with Jaxon, I'll probably let Bodhi's hair grow back and never cut it again.
Unless of course he's getting a mohawk.
ps. Jaxon requested this haircut.