My non-Internet existence...

Let me first give you a behind the scenes look into Justin and I's pathetic nightlife. For those unfamiliar with the Prater family functioning, we both work nights. Therefore every night, except Sunday, Justin or I are alone (for those that are possibly stalking me via this blog, I'm home alone with a gun AND a machete at my side). We put the children to bed, pick up the house a little (Justin more than I), crack open a beer/pour a glass of wine, and log onto the Internet. There we sit, for the next 4 hours. Then we go to bed. So my Internet is my social outing, so to speak. And apparently the Internet also keeps me sane, this I didn't know until 2 weeks ago.

The computer had been giving me hell for the past couple months, running slow, talking back, you know the usual. I put off getting her fixed because, how the hell would I function without a computer. I don't know I just figured it would eventually fix itself. I like to give inanimate objects way to much credit sometimes. I was also thinking that maybe it would hold on long enough for me to afford this:

Unfortunately I'm still paying off bar tabs and high heels from 2001, so I used my most financially responsible self restraint and did not run out to the Mac store. As a side note, my pulse starts to race and my palms sweat when I pass by the Mac store at the mall. I know one day my dream of owning a Mac will come true, but for now it just makes me anxious and sad to even look in that store.



OK, so 2 weeks ago she (my Dell, my only computer) finally gave up and Justin was forced to bring her dead little carcass to the PC Guru's. They told him it would be 2 weeks before they would even have a chance to look at her. However, for a fee ( something like $80) we get the expedited serves. Naturally Justin had to OK that financial decision with me. I obviously told him to pay the man whatever he wanted, just get me my freaking computer back and FAST! So anyway 2 days after we take her in they take a "look" and tell us that she has "fried the motherboard" I don't know what that means. I started wondering if I could fry MY motherboard, but I digress, that's a story for another day.
So 3-5 business days to get the new motherboard in. So I estimated a week away from her.

The first few days were OK. Justin cleaned the house every night. I came home from work with freshly baked muffins. I woke up before work with homemade pineapple upside down cake, piping hot on the stove. It was nice. Without the computer, we had nothing to do. The kids would take a nap and Justin would...bake.

These fun times lasted about 2 days.

I discovered that without my computer, bad things happen.
For example I'm forced to watch Dora with Jaxon. Now Dora in the background while reading The Onion, or blogs, or facebook online, not so bad. Dora full on with no computer in front of my face distracting me, REALLY bad. I can honestly say that I really don't give a shit about the map!

I also discovered that my house is incredibly dusty. Justin and I kinda have this unspoken understanding about the cleaning duties. I pick up. I clean up after myself ( Justin may disagree). I do laundry sometimes. However he mops, sweeps, vacuums, cleans the bathrooms, washes the diapers, does the laundry, cleans the kitchen and, I thought, dusts. Yes I know it doesn't sound fair at all does it....FUCK OFF! OK so I figured out that apparently he doesn't dust. I learned I should probably pick up the slack and dust a couple times a week.

I also found out that the computer regulates my sleep pattern, therefore my sanity. Without the Internet I apparently can't for the life of me stay awake at night. After working all night getting home at 8am and falling asleep about 9am, I usually take a nap til about 2pm, then fall back to sleep about 1 that night. If I stick to this pattern then I'm able to function the next day without having to sleep so much. It helps in my constant efforts to try and live a semi-normal life. So without the Internet, I put a movie in at about 7 with Jaxon, we lay down in bed and I am asleep by 7:10. I then wake up about 9 with the credits of the movie running, and Jaxon sleeping next to me. I scramble to get him in his bed before Justin gets home from work, take out my contacts, brush my teeth, lay down to go back to sleep and guess what, lay in bed for the next 7 hours, my mind racing with crazy thoughts, not able to sleep.

Which brings me to the next discovery. I don't really want to be a special Ed teacher. On night 6 of no sleep, no Internet and my mind racing. I convinced myself that I needed to go back to school and become a special education teacher. Have I EVER had a desire to be a teacher, no. Why in the hell would I come up with this plan...???

So I tried to read instead of watch TV. I cracked open a book at 7, after I put a movie in for Jaxon and I was asleep by 7:05. My plan failed.

I tried a magazine.The only magazines I had were Coastal Living (which I have NO idea how I ended up with a subscription to) and Parents magazine. Now I've had a subscription to Parents magazine since Jaxon was born but I haven't actually read an issue for like 3 years. I never renewed my 1 year subscription but for some reason 3 years later I'm still receiving it. I HATE that magazine. There are so many reason why I hate that magazine, another blog for another day. After reading the entire contents of the magazine in like 15 minutes I was convinced that Jaxon had ADHD, Bodhi had a vitamin E deficiency, and that I was the worst mother in the world. Then I was asleep by 7:20.

I also discovered that without my social networking capabilities ( ie facebook) I have no clue what anyone is doing and that makes me really pissy. Is it a bad thing that I mostly keep in contact with my friends via the Internet? With 2 kids and a shitty schedule I am just not as free to up and go hang out anymore with my friends. It's a sad fact. So I find that I keep sane, by communicating with them online. I knew that I was addicted to facebook is some crazy, completely not sane fashion, but I didn't realize why until last week. Its because I don't communicate otherwise. I can't communicate otherwise. I can't have conversations with people unless they're via Internet, because my kids are just way too demanding right now. Sigh.

I finally had my "official" breakdown on Monday(2 weeks after we took her in). I was supposed to have her back on Friday, but the dude wasn't done. Justin called on Monday morning and apparently the first motherboard they ordered was bunk so they had to order a second. He promised we would have it back on Tuesday. I lost it. I won't go into the details only to save myself from humiliation...oh who cares, I'll tell you. I pouted like Jaxon does when he finds out that this Monday is not recycling Monday, therefore the recycling truck will not be gracing us with a visit. I sulked. I pounded on the chair. I was over it. I contemplating running to the Mac store and throwing my credit card at the uber cool Mac store employee and telling him to ring her up. Top of the line. Just PUT ME OUT OF MY MISERY!!!!

Instead I put the kids to bed and fell asleep at 7:08.